Checkpoint Fever or, You Don't Look Tamil...

Pardon me while I vent...Apparently, there are suicide bombers of the Tamil persuasion still at large in and around Colombo. As a result, there are military checkpoints everywhere. Lino and I got stopped at one that was literally within sight of the last one! I’ve now set a new personal best yesterday when I was stopped at no fewer than seven checkpoints on my way to drop my laundry at the fluff and fold in Borella. I have clearly never seriously considered the volatility of my dirty laundry until now. You see, it was jammed into my backpack on the seat next to me in the tuk-tuk and as such, looked highly suspicious. The military guys at the checkpoints are very emboldened when I’m out alone. (why not, they’re the ones with the automatic weapons, all I can do is pelt them with dirty socks) I was close to the breaking point toward the end of the day when I was stopped by an Air Force enlisted man. Our conversation went something like this:
He: Where from?
Me: U.S.A.
He: Going?
Me: Wellewatta, Galle Rd & Dharmarama temple
He: You………BigFatGirl! (always said with a big smile)
Me: Yes, But your ugly, stupid and rude and I can diet.
He: Huh?

Case closed. Sometimes when they say something like this, I like to act all surprised. You know, like “Holy crap….I’m fat? I had no idea! Thank you, Oh keen observer of the human condition” Or, “Yes, if you look closely, you’ll see that I’m fat in my passport picture as well, butthead.”